apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
