As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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