We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
