i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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