I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
