i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
