i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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