just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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