So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There are leaves in my underwear?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
