God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
