i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
