Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Couch. On fire.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
