Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize