I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
