So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
