Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
