Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
