Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
