just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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