p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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