those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
