Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
