if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
