I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
