The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
