Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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