ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
