youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We named our party play list daddy issues
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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