Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
