well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
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Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
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I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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