KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
