Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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