Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
