I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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