My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
