Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
