well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
