If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
