life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.