thus making me awesome and them whores
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.