I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.