Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?