Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?