i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
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Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
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are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.