I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.