his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
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does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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