I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
