Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Your cock deserves a montage
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
