Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
