I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
