Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
