is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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