you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
