you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
