note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
