Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
