Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
