If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
