First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My feet surprised me
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