i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
