Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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