So drunk its hurt
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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