White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
