fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
