he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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