called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
