Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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